Dipper VS Jungle girl
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Dipper V.S. Manliness AU! The multi-bear is not alone! This serves as an example of my "DIPPER V.S. JUNGLE GIRL" challenge
1. Chapter 1

Dipper V.S. Jungle girl

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"So Destructor! Are you prepared for your final trial?" Screamed Leaderar.

Dipper pines held his spear up high. "I'm ready for anything!" Leaderar

nodded. "Good, your task is this: Go to the highest summit and slay the multi-

bear and it's horrific protector!" Dipper saluted, and ran off...

One long trek up the mountain latter...

Finally, dipper reached the cave of the multi-bear. "Come forward multi-bear!

And face your doom!" Suddenly a red blur came out of the cave. Dipper shoved

his spear at it-only for it to be ripped to pieces! Suddenly he was faced with

two daggers. One pressed at his Adams apple and the other only hair's breadth

from slicing off his testicles. And holding them was the most beautiful girl

dipper had ever seen...A teenage red-head clad in nothing but a leopard-skin

bikini. "We'll this is new, said the girl with a savage smile...hmmmm, I

wonder what the genitals of men would taste like roasted?" mused the girl out loud...

_Mommy, _whimpered dipper to himself as he wet his loincloth...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't. **

**But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

**This is an example of my "dipper V.S. Jungle girl" challenge to get info on this challenge and other's go to my profile page.**

**also, could someone contact the deviant artist Markmak or show me how to contact him? I'd like to talk to him, but the computer won't let me comment on my deviantart account.**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

Dipper V.S. Jungle girl

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper cried out as the Girl brought both blades down on his genitals!

**SLASH!**

Dipper watched as his loincloth fell to pieces. The girl smirked. "Did I kill off all the "Men" that they had to send a "little" boy to face me." The girl teased.

Embarrassed Dipper covered himself. "S-Shut up! Don't judge me! I'm 12!...And it's cold!"

"It's sixty degree's." Said the amused girl flatly as she pointed to a nearby thermostat. Feeling more humiliated with each passing second Dipper decided to call it a day and just slink away in defeat.

Unfortunately, the girl was having none of that! She had a new toy and she wanted to play with it! She pounced on the boy, forcibly pulled his hands away exposing him, and pinned him to the ground.

She leaned down and whispered warmly into his ear. "Now you explain to me what your doing here...and maybe I won't eat your testicles...unless your into that of course." The girl smirked.

Interesting, how being pinned by a voluptuous, scantily clad girl can suddenly make a boy more talkative?...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Could someone please explain to me why they're aren't more AU's that put Wendy in this episode?**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

Dipper V.S. Jungle girl ch.3

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

The girl rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Again with the Man-itours! Seriously, I don't like the multi-bears music either. But to kill him for it!? That's just cruel!" Dipper looked at her confused. "Music? What are you talking about?" Wendy tsked. "Let me guess, they didn't tell you? They only want him dead because he likes BABA!"

Dippers eyes widened. "Disco girls?" He asked, then cursed to himself. Realizing what he just revealed. The girl smiled. Yes...how did you know?...you like the girly song too 'little' boy?" She teased. "Wha? No! Of course not! It was just...a lucky guess?" Lied Dipper lamely. The girl giggled.

"I don't believe you...in fact I want you to sing it to me!" Dipper refused...Or tried to refuse...which was hard to do when someone bigger than you was holding you down and tickling you-

"No! (Ha!) Stop! (Giggle!) No more! (Snort!) I'm going to pee!"...and pee he did! The girl made sure she'd positioned herself right, so she wouldn't be hit...and get a birds eye view of everything! She laughed. "I see it, yet I still don't understand how it's possible for pee to come out of a wang that tiny!" She teased. Dipper was beyond mortified! Not only had he peed in front of a girl, but all that tickling had made his wang even smaller than it already was! After teasing about finding a way to make it smaller...Dipper sang the whole thing..

Dipper was crying now. What did it matter? All chance of him becoming a man had pretty went up in smoke. "(sniff) Why? Why are you doing this to me?" The girl gave him a 'are you kidding me' look. "You came here to murder me and my best friend just to make yourself look cool to a bunch of jerks!" Dipper paled...but then gave a resigned sigh. "Fair enough." He admitted miserably. Wendy smiled. "But I'll call it even...in exchange for one chest hair." Dipper looked at her confused then looked down...he had a hair! Finally! He- Then he paled...this was the only shred of masculinity he had left...and she wanted to take it...

Dipper blubbered...but steeled himself...he was in the wrong here...he deserved it! "Take it! Just make it quick!" **pluck. **A quick thing of pain and it was gone...not that Dipper actually minded...he was too busy making out. The girl smiled. "I'm Wendy by the way, Queen of the jungle!...and FYI...I think owning up to a mistake is very man...ish? Yeah, let's go with that!" She then smiled mischievously. "Now want to watch me get revenge on those jerks?" Dipper, still dumbstruck by the kiss...just nodded simply.

…...

"Hey guy's! I bet your not man enough to jump off this cliff!" Shouted Wendy to the Man-itours. Suddenly there was a massive stampede off the cliff. Wendy laughed! "My mistake!" Shouted Wendy mockingly to the groaning mass of bodies below. Dipper looked on both amazed and disturbed...while also coming to the realization that there's such a thing as 'too manly'...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

**Dipper v.s Jungle Girl ch. 4**

**I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!**

**...**

Dipper was still reeling...he'd kissed a girl!...a girl that also humiliated, demasculated, and dominated him at every turn... _It is NOT okay that, that turns me on..._ Thought a flustered Dipper to himself...he hadn't told anyone about what had happened...for obvious reasons...and he'd already decided it was best not to see her again...

Unfortunately, Mable had somewhat guessed what had happend...and caught him sneaking back to the shack...

...Couple days ago when Dipper first met Wendy...

_GAH! DIPPER! COVER YOURSELF! NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT!_

_..._

"Come on Dipper! Tell me about her! No use denying that you like someone! I've known you long enough to know when my Bro-Bro is in love!"

Dipper flustered. "Look Mable it's- It's complicated okay!" Mable rolled her eyes. "It's only complicated if you make it complicated Dipper...like you usually do."

Dipper groaned. "Mable for ONCE the situation is complicated enough without me!"

Looking back on this, Mable Deeply regretted what she did next:

"Dipper I'm sick of you doing to yourself! Constantly sabotaging your own happiness! Now; here's a very SIMPLE plan for you: Bring your girl to the upcoming shack party, or I share your internet history with everyone at school!"

After, the party/episode...Mable extinguished her life savings buying her Bro ice cream sandwiches...it was the least she could do...

...

Dipper sighed as he entered the Multi-bears cave and tried to think positive thoughts. _Okay Dipper...last time she humiliated you...but last time you were being a jerk, you earned it. This time is different, this time you won't be pushed around, this time I'm going to do this with dignity!_

Which of course was Wendy's cue to pounce on him and obliterate his clothes. A flustered Dipper sighed in resignation. _This should surprise me...but who are we kidding...we ALL saw that coming..._

Wendy laughed. "Wow, how is this even possible!? Dude, your junk is even limper and smaller than last time!" "It's a medical condition!" Pleaded a mortified Dipper.

It took a couple hours...but Wendy finally took a time out from her 'playtime' for Dipper to ask her to go to the dance.

_What is wrong with me? She humiliates and belittles me and I want to go with her even more...I'm- I'm sick...there's no other explanation..._

Thought Dipper to himself as Wendy considered Dipper's invitation...

"Okay, I'll go...on one condition: you wear nothing but a loincloth." She said with a smirk.

Dipper grew even more Red. "Can't I at least wear underwear beneath it-

"Nope, you gotta freeball it." Dipper groaned. "Okay, but you gotta promise you won't strip me...theirs going to be other girls at the party- Girls my AGE. And I don't want them to see me naked.

Wendy shrugged. "Fine, I promise I won't untie your loincloth." Dipper nodded and thanked him as Wendy saw him out.

"Your going to make me walk home naked again, aren't you?" "Pretty much." Said Wendy as she closed the cave behind him.

Wendy smirked." Poor gullible dipper...there's more than one way to strip a dude." She laughs...

...

Dipper frantically tried to fashion a modesty skirt out of leaves...oblivious that he was being watched...A blonde girl his age, wearing an elegant leopard skin dress watched it all with a smirk.

"So...this is to be your next conquest, huh Wendy?...not if I claim him first...then we'll see who's the true Queen!"

She laughs as she waves a wand and sets Dippers modesty skirt on fire...once more exposing himself much to her delight...until she realizes she'd set her own clothes on fire!

"GAH!" Cried Pacifica in pain as she was forced to run naked in front of a very appreciative Dipper...

…...  
TO BE CONTINUED?

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

**Dipper v.s. Jungle Girl ch. 5**

**I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!**  
**…...**

Mable was ecstatic! The party would be starting soon! She took one last look around...good friends, good music, good food, good decorations, good- GAH! why was Dipper almost naked!?

Mable suppressed her gag reflex as she walked up to a loincloth-clad Dipper. "Uh...hey Bro-Bro...couldn't help but notice your wearing...THAT." "Yep." Said an annoyed Dipper irritably.

There was a long awkward pause. Mable coughed nervously. "Right...uh...Why exactly are you wearing that?"

Dipper glares at her. "You really want to know? To invite the girl you blackmailed me into going back to...I had to agree to dress like this!" He shouts nastily!

Mable looked at him confused. "What!? That can't be right! ...Are you sure you didn't misunderstand her? You know your not great with girls."

It took all of Dippers restraint not to strangle his sister, "Well, why don't you ask her yourself? There she is right now!" He irritably points suddenly.

Mable excitedly turns to see her brothers new love interest...and is flustered to see a leopard-skin bikini clad teenager.

"Oh...well...she's 'exotic'." She said finally. "You don't know the half of it." Stated Dipper with a sigh.

Mable quickly runs up to Wendy. "Hey, I'm Mable. Dippers sister." "Yo." Greeted Wendy with a smile. "Right, back at you! Hate to bother you; but Dipper seems to have gotten it into his head that you forced him to wear a loincloth-

"Yep, that's what I did." Interrupted Wendy happily. Mable blanched "Wait, what!?" She shouted. "Yeah, also I couldn't be here sooner...I was busy breaking into Dippers room to hide his clothes so he couldn't chicken out."

Mable double-taked. "Again; wait, what?" Wendy ruffled her hair. "Yeah, really appreciate you blackmailing him to do this- dang if this ain't going to be a fun night!" She shouts as she goes and helps herself to some snacks.

A very put-out and confused Mable nervously turns to an increasingly furious Dipper. Mable chuckled nervously. "Wow...she's really- You got- You have..." Finally she just gave up in resignation. "I am so very sorry Dipper, I'll go look for your clothes...and I swear I'll make it up to you after this..."

"Just find my clothes." Responds Dipper coldly. He goes to keep Wendy busy while Mable dose that.

As the party guests arrives...Dipper becomes increasingly aware of the stares, whispering, and giggling...mostly from the girls. Dippers face went red.

He tried to ignore them...but every so often he felt someone slap or pinch his exposed rear...finally Dipper had enough and tried to just leave.

But 'someone' pulled him back by the scruff of his loincloth. "Not so fast, hot stuff." Teased Wendy as she let the fabric slap back into place, causing Dipper to give out a whimper of pain. "Pretty sure you owe me a dance."

Dipper groaned...but complied...and surprisingly had a great time! The music/sound effects were really easy to get lost in, and Wendy was a really good dancer! even the playful knocking him over with a hip-bump was more playful, then mean.

_Huh...maybe I was wrong about her._ Thought Dipper to himself as he picked himself again._ I'm actually having a fun time...maybe I was being too hard on her...so she's a bit weird, I'm not really in a position to judge. Maybe we could..._

And that's when dipper realized it...the music was gone...and in it's place...laughter! Dipper flustered as he saw that that last bump had knocked his loincloth clean off! And he had a suspicion it hadn't been an accident...

"Wow! Bring in a telescope! I found the 'little' Dipper!...on second thought; make that a microscope!" Teased Wendy out loud-

And that's when it happened. One second Dipper was furious and humiliated...the next he was standing over Wendy with a bloody fist above her bloody nose...the whole room was deathly silent.

Dipper was horrified! "I- Oh, man! I'm so sorry! I don't know what-

**CRACK!**

Dipper found himself on the ground in pain. He looked up in terror as Wendy eagerly popped her knuckles, a maniac grin plastered on her face...

**NOW IT'S A PARTY!**

…...  
**TO BE CONTINUED?**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dipper v.s. Jungle Girl ch. 6**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

Wendy laughed in anticipation as the little naked boy ran. She turns to Soos. "Yo! DJ! Put on some chase music!" "Y-yes mam!" Shouted Soos terrified...

**(music starts)**

Wendy began to sing along as she watches Dipper try to open a locked door, she takes a nearby brick and bounces it up and done in her hand-

**At the bar and getting drunk now**  
**Hold you drink up**  
**Skull the bitch down**

With one mighty throw she hits Dipper betwixt his legs. He grasps his junk and cries out in pain...he then tries to run off once more

**Pour another one**  
**Don't be shy son**  
**Where's your balls gone?**  
**Where's the bastard gone?**

Wendy brings down her foot so hard it cracks the wood lined floor...more importantly it cause one of the wooden boards to swing upwards-

CRACK!

-Right into Dippers junk.

**Look for your balls now**  
**That damn bastard**  
**Go get him!**  
**Look for your balls now**  
**Find them now Yeah.**

Dipper couldn't take it, he was in too much pain! All he could was clutch his junk. while nearby girls whispered how impressed they were that Wendy could hit such a 'small' target.

Unfortunately, this left his rear up in the air-

CLAMP!

Just as Wendy snapped a bear trap down on his right butt cheek and then ripped it off with a mighty jerk.

**Hey you there!**  
**What you looking at?**  
**Fuck you, Yeah!**  
**Just drink that!**  
**Don't talking too much**  
**Just drink this drink**

Dipper tried to crawl away in agony-

CLAMP!

And their went his left cheek...

**You wanna drink with me? You little bastard!**

Laughs Wendy as she pauses to drink some booze.

**Put you fist up in the air and Stick this down your glob damn throat!**

She shouts as she spits out the booze onto a match, sending a stream of fire towards dippers privates-

BANG!

But Dipper had had enough at that point, reaching under the punch table he'd found one of his Grunkle Stans gun spots...

**Just drink this**  
**Don't talk too much**  
**It's all right**  
**Looks like you've found your balls!**

Now it was an all out fight between the two of them! Dipper shot wildly(the pain prevented him from aiming accurately). While Wendy tried to flambe him!

**Drink up, Yeah!**  
**One more son.**  
**Keep'em coming, Yeah!**  
**You son of a gun!**

Dipper grappled as the crazy girls just laughed-

BOOM!

They were flying through the air!

**Don't give up**  
**Just fight on**  
**Gods are bastards**  
**Must find your balls!**

CRASH!

appropriately they both landed on and destroyed Soos's DJ machine just as the song ended..

While dipper moaned at once more getting whacked in the junk, Wendy looked over to who made the whole in the wall...

"Tonight we settle the score Wendy!" Shouts Pacifica...

…...  
TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: The song was a parody of 'Drank Dead' by '****D4 : Dark Dreams Don't Die Original Soundtrack -David Young Disc'**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	7. Chapter 7

**Dipper VS Jungle girl ch. 7**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...…...

Wendy took one look at her...and shook her head. "You again, poser?" She asked with a chuckle.

"I'm not a poser!" Shouts Pacifica enraged. "I'm- "Aren't you that girl that was running naked in the woods?" Asked Dipper confused.

Pacifica flustered. "Oh, like your one to talk needle-dick!" She shouted at the now very flustered boy.

Wendy chuckled and turned to Dipper. "Little miss-would-be-queen. Is just a spoiled, rich girl that hangs up her loincloth at the end of each day to go back to her 5 star mansion." She teased.

She turned back to the fuming blonde. "You do realize that in order to be queen of the jungle...you'll have to LIVE in the jungle right?...or at least brake one of your precious, manicured nails?"

Paciifca cringed at the idea of living in that filthy jungle. "I'll- I'll deal with that when I conquer you!"

Wendy smirked. "Like you conquered your cup-size?" Pacifica flustered as she covers her flat chest, while Wendy flounced her E-cup proudly.

"T- There's more to life then a cup size!" She tries to defend while trying to keep from crying...

Wendy laughed. "Oh, is that why you tried to wear a bikini the first time you tried to fight me- Emphasis on 'TRIED'."

Before Pacifica could stop her, Wendy pulls a phone out of her cleavage and showed everyone her favorite recording:

_Pacifica sporting a leopard skin bikini, laughs and points a magic staff at Wendy._

_"Ha! Feel my- (the padding in her top falls out). Pacifica cries out embarrassed as she tries to conceal her flat chest._

_Wendy laughs. "Feel your what? Chest? Doesn't look like there's anything worth feeling there..."_

_Pacifca flustered. "SHUT UP!" She screamed as he brought her staff back around toward Wendy-_

_RIP!_

_Which turned out to be a bad move as it had gotten entangled in her loose fitting top, ripping it clean off her..._

_Wendy laughed harder._

_Pacifica was in tears now! She tried to reach over to grab her now discarded top...only for the padding in her rear falls out...followed by her bikini bottoms falling off her now scrawny rear._

_"Gah!" Shouts Pacifica as she tries to salvage SOME dignity...which quickly became impossible as she tripped over the bottoms that were still around her legs-_

_THUD!_

_-and falls flat on her face-_

_CRACK!_

_-Which also shatters her staff-_

_ZAP!_

_-Which causes a ghostly apparition to appear-_

_SPANK!_

_SPANK!_

_SPANK!_

_-which then begins to spank a tearful Pacifica-_

_SPANK!_

_SPANK!_

_SPANK!_

_-For a very long time..._

Wendy laughs along with everyone else. "I ran out of film at that point...but it spanked her for three days straight! And this is but one of her many epic fails that I've recorded and posted on my site 'WWW-Blondes-DON'T-want-to-have-fun-com '!"

Pacifica was enraged! "Hey, Don't ignore me!" She marches forward, staff raised in air-

THUMP!

-She then tripped as her leopard skin pelt snagged on the edge of the hole she blew in the wall-

RIP!

-Which ripped off said pelt, leaving her curve-less, scrawny body exposed to the ridicule of all-

SHATTER!

-her staff then shattered as it hit the ground-

ZAP!

-Which created a small rain cloud above Pacifica...

Wendy laughed as she recorded it all, "That's another keeper!" She shouted.

Pacifica just sobbed...then to her surprise she's helped up by Dipper. "I know how you feel." He said simply.

Pacifica looked at him amazed...gave him a big smile, a kiss on the mouth-

RIP!

-Then tore his left 'ball' out of his sack!

"Ha! Let your guard down Wendy! Now your downfall is imminent!" She shouts triumphantly as she runs outside.

Wendy sighs. "Dang it!...oh, well. Easily remedied." She said as she walked over a sobbing Dipper as he laid on the floor in pain...

"Hospital(sob)...I need a-

RIP!

Went his last remaining ball-

GAH!

-Went Dipper in a much higher tone of voice than usual...

_Someone...please kill me..._

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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